If you are an older kinkster who wants to enter the world of BDSM, there is no better time than now! This is an enticing and welcoming world. Even though the kink world is somewhat private and secret, kinksters exist everywhere. There are kinksters in every country, in every profession and in all age groups. You will find yourself in good company with many interesting people.
If you’re only trying kink for the first time, just know that you’re not the only older kinkster who is a newcomer. I’ve met many older kinksters who only started to explore their erotic fantasies in their 50s and 60s. Remember, you’re never too old to try something new.
Learn about the kink world
As you start our your journey in kink, learn the basics about BDSM. For instance, if you are a submissive it’s good to learn about different types of submission and domination and to know what your main interests are. Do you like service submission, pain, humiliation? Read articles or look at a kink glossary learn the basic concepts that people use in the kink world (safewords, hard limits and soft limits). Before you go to a kink party or munch, learn the basics of kink etiquette.
Remember there are many older kinksters
Don’t let your age hold you back. Sometimes people are insecure as they reach middle age and beyond, but trust me for everyone out there, there is someone who desires them. Most of my subs have been 40+ since I entered the BDSM scene at age 18 because I have a good connection with people in this age range. I think when it comes to BDSM, many kinksters are less concerned about age gaps because the people in this world are more open minded about human relationships. Many older Dommes prefer a sub who is not a young adult, but is close to their age.
Just remember that the world of BDSM really has people of all ages. If you’re an older kinkster who has been afraid about entering this world, there’s no reason to be afraid. I’ve met kinksters who were in their 70 at kink parties, and they are just as at home there as younger people. There is no age limit for the joys of BDSM. Trust me.
Identify what you’re looking for
As an older kinkster you might already know what you’re looking for. I’ve met many submissive men who knew they were submissive for years but didn’t explore it until they were older. If you know what you are looking for, be prepared to describe it to others. This is why it’s good to know kink terminology. For instance, if you are a sub, are you looking for a Domme for casual play, or are you looking for a Female Led Relationship? Or are you interested in a romantic relationship with someone open to occasional kinky fun? Are you only interested in pain, but not submission? In that case, it’s better to describe yourself as a masochist or bottom but not a submissive. Even if you know what you want, you might struggle to find it if you don’t know how to communicate it.
If you’re not sure what you are looking for, be open about this as you meet new people. Attend kink munches and parties and talk to people. As you gain more experiences, you will find out what kind of kinkster you are.
As an older kinkster, be ready to learn new things
This means learning from reading online forums and articles, as well as meeting people in the kink community. Be prepared to accept that the social rules in the kink world might be different from what you are used to. For instance, you might see subs asking for permission from their Dominant before going to the bathroom. You might find that people describe their gender, sexuality and kink orientation in complex ways. One of the best ways to strike up a conversation at a kink munch is to say you are a newcomer and to ask questions. Really, being an older kinkster can be an advantage for you.
Be prepared to learn from people who are younger and more experienced than you. Just because you’re an older kinkster doesn’t mean you can’t learn from someone younger than you. The more people you meet, the broader your perspective will be. As a Domme I love to talk to Dominants as well as submissives, age players, latex fetishists, riggers and all types of kinksters. I love learning about different kinks even if they are not something I’m personally into.
When you meet people into different things you’ll understand how many dynamics are possible and how people create the dynamic that they want. You’ll also learn how kinksters indeal with consent, negotiation and finding kink partners for their interests. You might also discover that you want to try out a new kink activity!
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