A kink party is a great place to meet a Domme and have a fun time! As long as you are a polite and respectful submissive, you can try new kinky activities with the Dommes at the party. This guide will help you approach Dommes at a kink party.
Some Dommes at the party may be looking to play with new submissives, and some might not be interested or may already have a submissive there with them. Keep that in mind, and be accepting if she is not interested in dominating you. If you want advice on contacting Dommes on fetlife, I wrote a post about it: how to successfully contact Dommes on fetlife.
How to Approach a Domme for the first time
- Make sure you’re not interrupting a scene or intimate moment. If the Domme is in the middle of something, do not interrupt. “Intimate: can mean she’s flogging someone, kissing someone, or standing in the corner, having a private conversation. Just wait until she seems more available.
- Approach the Domme with a smile and make friendly small talk. Kink parties are not so different from other social settings. You should talk about something light before asking about her kinks. Be friendly and don’t start begging right away. Begging is usually something you do when you already have a D/s dynamic. Show the Domme that you can be fun person to be around and that you know basic etiquette.
How to make small talk at a kink party
Here are some basic ideas for how to strike up a conversation with a Domme you just met.
- Have you come to this dungeon before? What do you think of it? Do you have any recommendations for people new to this scene?
- If she was involved in a public scene where other people watched, you can comment on it. That was an interesting medical play scene you did. Is medical play your favorite kinky activity? What other things do you like to do?
- That’s a great flogger you have. Have you ever broken a flogger from flogging too hard?
- What do you enjoy most about being dominant? Is there anything you haven’t tried yet that you want to try? What are you hobbies outside of kink?
You can converse with Dommes about non-kink topics too, like hobbies, foods, TV shows, etc. To be safe, always avoid asking about people’s jobs because some people will feel invaded by this question. This goes not just for Dommes, but anyone you meet at a kink party. Remember, the kink world is a world that can be very far from people’s everyday life.
How to ask a Domme at a Kink Party to Dominate You
Ask her nicely and politely if she is interested. Remember, you want to show that you are a good sub, not an annoying, clingy person. You can say, I’m happy to hear you like spanking submissives. I myself love being spanked, so if you’re interested in playing with someone, I would love it if you spanked me.
If she seems like she already planned on playing with other submissives, don’t despair. You can leave an open invitation by saying, I’ll be at this party for another 2 hours. If you have any time later, and want to spank me I’ll be available.
If you aren’t sure what kind of activity you want to do, you can ask her if there’s anything she wants to do. You can say, is there anything you wanted to do to a sub tonight? Is there anything I can do for you as a submissive, that you would enjoy?
Once you create small talk with the Domme, if she likes you, she might initiate the fun. I usually am the one to initiate a kinky activity (flogging, foot worship, light humiliation play) when I meet a submissive who I like. If you’re friendly and nice, she may use you for her fun!
Additional tips for when you approach a Domme at a kink party:
- Don’t push too hard for the Domme to play with you/ dominate you. Even if she doesn’t dominate you this time, you’ve made a friend! Maybe at a future party she will give you a spanking that you’ll cherish forever. A big mistake that many beginner subs make is being too needy and begging her to play with you.
- If you’ve had a nice conversation and you want to stay in contact: ask for her fetlife username, not for her phone number, facebook or anything with her real name. This advice applies to anyone you meet at a kink party, not just Dommes. Some people are ok with giving out their social media or messenger contact (like Instagram, Telegram, Whatsapp), but many people want privacy and won’t give it to you. Dommes and other kinksters usually use fetlife to stay in contact because it’s a completely anonymous social network for BDSM lifestyle. I give this tip because once, a sub at a kink party begged me to give him my facebook info. I was shocked by that. I wouldn’t give out private info to someone I just met at a kink party.
if the Domme you’re talking to seems not interested in you, you should graciously exit and return to the party. You can meet other people or watch kink scenes. If you’re not sure if she’s interested, pay attention to the Domme’s reaction. Is she is looking away, not answering much, walking away? She’s probably not interested. Always remember, there will be other kink parties and other Dommes to meet. If this specific Domme doesn’t want to dominate you, it’s ok. Just keep having fun, meet new people and see where the party takes you.
If you liked this post and want to see every post I make about the Femdom lifestyle, subscribe: