What do you get when you combine danger and fear with sexual excitement and erotic thrill? You get edgeplay! Not everyone can understand how danger can be sexually exciting. But I think everyone has had moments of enjoying fear or danger. The excitement you feel on a roller-coaster or the fun of watching a horror movie is a kind of pleasure in fear. Edgeplay can have real consequences though, so approach it with caution.
What is edgeplay?
Edgeplay is an umbrella term that broadly covers extreme aspects of BDSM, including pain, humiliation, degradation, and physical transformation. According to the Urban Dictionary entry for edgeplay, edgplay is: Sexual play that is very extreme in nature. Said to be on the edge of safety and sometimes even sanity. Can be very dangerous if not practiced correctly. I like this definition because it includes the main ideas: it’s extreme, it’s dangerous and it’s sexually thrilling.
While in kink there are many things that may seem “extreme” to the general public (like making your husband eat his own cum). It’s not edgeplay if it’s low risk. What really makes something edgeplay is that you’re playing close the edge of something dangerous: the potential for real physical or mental harm. Enjoying edgeplay is like doing the tango on the edge of a fifty story skyscraper. It isn’t the illusion of danger adding to the fun, it’s real danger. When it comes to potential mental harm, this varies a lot. Some submissives can take humiliation all day and feel horny, while others might reach their limit quickly. As a good Domme, it’s your responsibility to push your sub to the edge, but not past the edge where he will fall into the (metaphorical) abyss.
Why does edgeplay make you horny?
For a submissive, the excitement and fear from edgeplay can release adrenaline and endorphins, giving you a natural high. The feeling of completely giving up control and letting your Domme do what she wants with you can feel freeing. It also reinforces your feelings of trust deepens your bond with your Domme.
For the Domme, the thrill of pushing someone to his limit creates the same release of excitement chemicals. Seeing your submissive in a totally vulnerable position, experiencing fear and desperation can make you feel intoxicated with power. Seeing him so vulnerable and under your control, deepens the bond from your side.
How can you play with danger but stay safe?
Edgeplay can be any kinky activity that involves risk and/or danger. Most real life danger can be turned into a kinky scenario, so anything can be edgeplay. But remember, it only counts as edgeplay if it’s “play”, meaning both the Domme and the sub agree to do it. You can’t do something extreme to your sub without discussing it first and call it “edgeplay”. This goes for the sub as well. If a submissive does something risky without asking his Domme (like jump into a swimming pool while cuffed and gagged) it’s not edgeplay, it’s just a stupid and dangerous situation. My advice is always have a plan B. If things start to go out of control or your submissive is in distress, have an exit plan to end the situation and bring things back to normal.
Physical Edgeplay
- Fireplay, burning, branding – Fire is dangerous! And yet, fireplay can be safe and result in zero burns. Before doing it on your own, attend a fireplay workshop or learn from someone who’s experienced. This blog is also a good resource on doing fireplay safely. For burning and branding: remember, this can lead to long lasting injuries, so be careful.
- Using needles, stitches, giving tattoos – the level of risk depends where on the body you use the needles. Make sure to stay away from arteries, genitals and face, and learn how to do it right. As far as tattoos go, they are permanent! Remember that!
- Cutting, drawing blood, drinking blood – This is all considered “blood play”. Any kind of cutting must be done with caution. Some subs who are real masochists might ask you to cut deeper or harder, but always remember that you’re the one with the control, and that means not going too far even if the sub wants it. As for drinking blood, remember it’s possible to get diseases this way. If you wouldn’t have unprotected sex with them, don’t drink their blood.
- Breath play, choking, asphyxiation, water boarding – All of these involve controlling your submissive’s breathing. Breath play becomes more dangerous with each second. If you’re choking the person, start slow. Do it a few seconds at a time and ask them how it felt. A general tip for breath play or any activity where your sub can’t communicate: have a special signal. Tell the sub that if they are starting to get too lightheaded to tap you hand twice (for instance). For more about how to have safe breath play this blog has good tips.
Mental Edgeplay
- Blackmail Play – If you know your submissive’s personal information, you can roleplay a blackmail scenario where you threaten to reveal their dirty secrets to whole world. This might sound like your worst nightmare, but it’s precisely because it’s the worst nightmare that it can become a fetish. The best way to be safe is to give threats, but don’t actually do anything. You can threaten to send an email of embarrassing photos to his boss, but don’t go as far as typing in the boss’s email into an email draft. Simple and easy!
- Extreme or Public Humiliation – Posting photos of your sub’s face as he sucks his own cock on the internet, would be considered extreme by many. Humiliating your sub for something deep and personal (like making fun of him for still being a virgin) can also become extreme. Some submissives seek this kind of personal humiliation, but some overestimate their excitement and it can spiral into real emotional pain.
- Abduction play – abduction play is about creating elaborate role play scenarios where someone (the Domme or Dominant) kidnaps someone (the sub) either alone or with a group of people, role playing kidnappers. It can involve duct taping someone’s mouth, tying them up, putting them in the trunk of a car. It’s all role play, but it can be dangerous. The best way to be safe is to keep your eye on your sub, and make sure you sub can signal if they want to be released.
- Brainwashing – brainwashing is all about altering the submissive’s mind. This can mean changing his very sense of self. I can brainwash a submissive into craving the need for a feminized body, brainwashing him to take female hormones. I can brainwash someone into slowly losing control of their bladder muscles, becoming incontinent and needing diapers. Brainwashing and hypnosis are powerful methods for creating mental illusions like false memories, or for creating recurring mental blockages, which I use to create a mental state where someone’s IQ goes down. There are a lot of potential risks that come with going down this path… your identity could change so much that you don’t remember who you are anymore. You simply become the thing you’ve been brainwashed to be. Like all edgeplay, this is something many subs need and crave. The way to be safe is to make sure you are ready before you listen to any brainwashing files or visit a Domme who does hypnosis and brainwashing.
Conclusion
Edgeplay is like any thrilling and dangerous activity: there’s no reason to tell people not to do it because people will still do it! If you’re a naturally adventurous or thrill seeking person you might be drawn to edgeplay. I’m not here to stop anyone from having fun. Edgeplay is like sky diving, it’s exciting until your parachute fails (therefore you should have a backup parachute). Proceed carefully when trying new things and when playing with new subs. Always have a plan and be prepared for the case that something goes wrong. What makes edgeplay great is being close to the edge without going too far.
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