If you’re a submissive person who dreams of being with a Domme, you might have wondered how to know if a woman is a Domme. I’m sure many people who know me from a vanilla context have wondered this about me. Is there a woman in your life who seems so dominant that you wonder if she’s a Domme? There are some clues you can look out for that can help you figure out if she is a Domme.
Dommes often have dominant behavior
Dominant women are often self confident and powerful in several areas of their lives. Dommes are used to commanding people in their private life, so they’re not afraid to take charge. She’s fine with interrupting you, making decisions on your behalf, subtly giving orders. If you drops something, she might ask you “can you pick that up” with a tone of voice that yell you it’s a command, not a question. In conversations, she steers which way it goes and will gladly change the subject if she finds it boring. But when it comes to being interrupted or taking orders she will be annoyed. If you try to tell her what to do she might give you a skeptical look. A dominant woman knows where she likes to be: in a position of power. She wants to be the one giving commands, not taking them.
Other dominant behaviors include: making direct eye contact and staring you down without acting awkward about it. She might criticize you without sugarcoating it, but not because she’s rude. Dominant women are used to openly evaluating their submissive men, so they might have no issue with evaluating people around them. However in a work environment she might be tone it down to follow the workplace social rules. A workplace is not a good place to find out who someone really is. You need to see her outside of the workplace, when she’s free to behave how she wants. You might notice that she smiles and seems pleased whenever you do what she says. If she’s like me, and into mental domination, she will get pleasure from influencing you. For instance, if she I you I likes when men have beards… and then you grow a beard, I will notice and I will like seeing my influence affect your behavior.
If she’s a Domme, she’s probably comfortable taking control of the situation. For example, imagine that you’re in another city for a business trip and want to get lunch with her. You don’t know where you want to go for food. She immediately takes over and picks a restaurant. This is a subtle sign of dominance! She likes to get her way and she’s not afraid to make the decisions for you. If she gives many subtle signs like this, it could mean she’s a Domme.
Dommes’ clothing often exudes power
A Domme might wear clothes that are striking and amplify her presence when she walks into a room. This doesn’t mean she wears all black “dominatrix’ clothes. It means she has her own style and she’s not afraid to show it. She may have an unconventional look, because as a powerful woman, she’s not afraid of standing out. I’ve noticed that dominant women often have a more unique or eccentric appearance in everyday life and don’t follow trends much. I sometimes wear clothes that are eccentric – mixing bold patterns or wearing an extremely long scarf because I like how it looks. No matter what she’s wearing, she’s wearing it with unshakeable confidence.
She might have a subtle kinky accessory like a flogger keychain or earrings with little spanking paddles on them (both are great gift ideas). This is a clear sign that she’s into the BDSM lifestyle! However, most Dommes I’ve met don’t wear accessories like this all the time, so don’t look for this as your main clue.
An obvious Femdom clue is wearing a chastity key around her neck. This means she may be key holding and keeping a submissive man in chastity. Decorative keys look different from chastity keys. While decorative keys look elegant and antique, chastity keys have a modern, functional look. You can tell that it came with an actual metal lock. Make sure you can tell them apart. I’ve never met a woman who has worn a key like this as decoration. It’s usually a chastity key.
How to know if a woman is a Domme: Dommes won’t be shocked if you talk about BDSM
If you’re already thinking of someone in your life who fits the profile of a Domme, there’s one final clue. See how she reacts when you mention anything related to BDSM, Femdom, submission. Of course, you should only bring it into conversation if it’s appropriate. You can subtly drop it into conversation or make a joke that references cock and ball torture. A woman who has no experience in the world of BDSM might not notice a reference to Femdom topics, or might be shocked at a BDSM joke. Dommes will not be shocked about anything related to Femdom or BDSM. This is their lifestyle! If she jokes with you, gives you a knowing look, or keeps this topic going… that’s a clue! You can mention going to a kink party and see how she responds. Or if you’re at a kink party and see her there, you can approach her!
Is this an exhaustive guide to how to know if a woman is a Domme? No! These are just a few of the clues I’ve noticed from my experience in kink and Femdom circles. Everyone is different and behaves and dresses in different ways. The only way to really know if a woman is a Domme is to get to know her. After you get to know her and feel comfortable discussing kink and the Femdom lifestyle, ask her what she thinks about it. Good luck to everyone on their detective journey, discovering who is an undercover Domme.
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