What makes a good submissive? This is a tricky question, since every Domme will have her own idea of an ideal sub. In this blog post I’m writing about what I like in a submissive or slave. This applies to female or male subs, of any age, appearance, and background. I also have a free hypnosis training series aimed at male submissives called Good Boy Training. You can download part 1 and part 2 for free. So what qualities are important in a submissive?
A Good Submissive is Eager to Please
A good submissive is excited, willing and eager to please me. They submit to me freely. Some Dommes like the challenge of taming a brat, but I do not. I like subs and slaves who love their position and hunger to see me satisfied. They are happy to do their tasks – whatever the tasks may be. It may be massaging me, cleaning my apartment or licking my feet.
A good submissive doesn’t do a task with ulterior motives. They don’t grit their teeth through a task just so they can demand I fulfill their fetish in exchange. A truly great submissive will do it because they know it pleases me.
A Good Submissive Has Listening Skills
A good submissive listens carefully to what I want. They don’t make random guesses about what I want. They don’t try to copy something they saw in Femdom porn and assume it will please me. Instead, the follow my instructions carefully and ask questions if they aren’t sure of what I want. Every experienced sub knows that each Domme has her own individual desires. A good submissive will follow my instructions and listen attentively instead of assuming they know what I want.
A Good Submissive is Reliable
If a submissive agrees to do something for me, I expect them to show up. Submissives who are all talk and no walk are intolerable. One of the most annoying things is a submissive who offers to give me everything, and then disappears the second they aren’t horny. I don’t trust submissives who make ridiculous offers at all (for instance, offers to move countries to belong to me). All I need is a submissive who can commit to the task they say they can do, however small. A useful submissive is level headed, focused and reliably gives me the things that I need. If I want a massage, nipple stimulation, a chore boy, or a meal, they will be there. If they are unavailable, they will tell me right away.
A Good Submissive is Open to New Things
Part of the enjoyment of a D/s dynamic in my eyes is trying new things. I’m always willing to try new things that my submissives are interested in. Likewise I enjoy a submissive who is willing to try new things to please me. Submissives who have very specific fetishes and aren’t willing to stray outside of them are too rigid for my taste. It may be that these people are more fetishists than submissives. I like seeing my submissives make progress and learn new skills beyond the ones they started with. I also love influencing my subs to develop new fetishes and new desires.
A Good Submissive Strives to Improve
A great attitude for all submissives is the desire to improve. To ask me how they can do better at their task, or to learn on their own time. For instance, a submissive can decide to learn better massage and body worship techniques to better massage me. A submissive can offer new ways to improve my website if they are helping me with it. Subs who cook for me will look for new recipes with the ingredients I like and offer to cook them for me.
A Good Submissive Anticipates Needs
Once I have settled into an D/s dynamic with a sub, they get better at knowing what I want and need. To anticipate me needs simply means, they offer their skills and services to me. They notice what I like and offer it! Note that not all Dommes like this, since some prefer to have a high level of control in the dynamic or enjoy micromanaging. I love a submissive who notices what I want and is ready to give it before I even ask. If they know I like peach iced tea, they will offer to make it for me when we meet. If they know I love squash they will offer to cook it for me. This is a skill that is built over time, once you get to know someone. You won’t be able to know what I want and need right away, but with time, attention and some note taking, you can develop this skill!
A Good Submissive Remembers the Basics
A good submissive never forget the basics. Even if my submissive gets to try more and more things with me, they still appreciate that they are allowed to kiss my hand. I can’t stand entitlement in any relationship, vanilla or D/s. By entitlement I mean something along this scenario: one I let them inside my apartment once, they think they can come whenever they want. They forget that they are not entitled to this.
Another example – if I let a slave kiss my hands in the beginning, they are thrilled. Over time I may allow them to kiss my nipples. A huge mistake for a slave is to develop an entitled attitude. If they get the privilege of kissing my nipples once, they cannot expect to get it every time. Getting to kiss my hands is still a privilege, even after the 100th time they have done it. A good slave will continue to thank me for these basic privileges. On the contrary, a bad slave will start to make demands for bigger and greater things, forgetting these most basic signs of respects that create the magic of a D/s dynamic.
A Good Submissive Excels at Communication
Bad communication sets every relationship up for failure. This includes relationships between Dominants and submissives. My advice to Subs – if you don’t like something, communicate it. Don’t pretend to like something if you don’t like it. Either you will end up disappointing your Domme, or you will develop resentment for her because you’re doing something you don’t like. But you cannot fault the Domme for not reading your mind. Be honest about your limits and about what you are willing to do.
A good submissive is one that wants to have clear communication because they know that they and their Domme will be happier as a result. A good submissive will be honest and clear about if something bothers them, rather than letting it stew in their minds. They will be honest about what they like, about what they need, about what they desire. Ultimately a D/s dynamic is best when I as a Domme know what my sub wants. I am driving the car that we are both in. When I know what’s on my submissive’s mind I can drive this car to a destination we both want to get to.
These are my thoughts on what makes a good submissive! Keep in mind that everyone has their own opinions. If you really want to know what a specific Dom/Domme wants – ask them! To get some free training from me, my free Good Boy Training Series part 1 and part 2 is available for free.
You can gain submissive tendencies through my hypnosis. This 29 minute hypnosis file influences you to become more submissive to dominant women. Using my strong and supportive voice, I alter your mind to have more submissive tendencies. I use positive reinforcement to make you associate pleasure with submitting. By the end, you will have more submissive habits and a stronger pleasure response from serving. These changes will appear in small ways in your everyday life, with long term changes.
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